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Statistically Speaking: Winter Olympics Rant

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Winter Olympics Rant

For the next few weeks NBC will be falling all over itself trying to convince you and I that the winter olympics are important and worth watching. In the process, instead of showing great comedies like My Name Is Earl and The Office, I will be subjected to watching some clowns I've never heard of ski, skate, and do something called curling. For crying out loud, the only 'real' sport included in these 'games' is hockey, and no one outside of Canada and douchebags from up North watch that. Just because some flaming, naked, Greek tools got together to make sport for their fake gods a few thousand years ago doesn't mean we should continue the practice today. Here's some other things those 'crazy' Greeks did.

I. Took dumps outside. Yes that's right, there was no indoor plumbing in Ancient Greece. They didn't mention that in Hercules.

II. Got conquered by Rome.

III. One of their greatest writers, Homer, wrote The Odyssey, that I had to read over summer vacation in 1998. That story is so long and full of plot holes. For example, after Odysseus is captured by the cyclops, he puts his eye out (kinda phat) and manages to escape by tying himself and his men to the undersides of the Cyclops' sheep. Yeah, whatever Homer. Now, I'm no farmer, but I have seen a few sheep in my lifetime. Unless this 'great hero' Odysseus and his men are all the size of 10-year old girls, he ain't escaping riding under some damn sheep. If you're intrigued and want to find out the rest of the story, I recommend the 1997 movie starring Armand Assante.


Hid under sheep.

So anyway, back to my point. The Olympics suck and no one should watch them. Maybe they will go away. If I wanted to watch obscure winter sports, ESPN shows the X-games every year.

1 Comments:

Blogger Joshua said...

Your argument has one major flaw......... the Olympics are great, they have the greatest sport in the history of sports...... curling, yea thats right curling!

4:23 PM  

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